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Simon: She’s smiling at me…I can smile back at her, right? I mean, we’re acting natural, right? Okay, done. I hope that looked more natural than it felt. Jesus, who knew a giant sweater would look so good on a girl…But everything looks pretty good on Caroline—especially that green bikini. Did I really turn her down last night? God, it would have been so easy to just…But then I couldn’t. Why couldn’t I??? Jesus, Simon. Well, we were drunk…Correction, she was drunk. Would she have regretted it? She might have. Couldn’t risk it? Might have been a bit of a disaster…Or was it the girls? I shouldn’t do that to the girls either. But it’s not even really working so well with the girls these days, now is it? Huh, I didn’t think about them once this weekend…because I couldn’t stop thinking about Caroline. She’s looking at me again…What the hell are we going to talk about the whole way back to the city? Ryan isn’t even paying attention. Bastard. I told him he needed to help me out…He’s helping himself to a handful of Mimi. I’m almost sorry Caroline and I worked so hard to push them together. Hmm…Caroline and I…Caroline and me in a hot tub where bikinis are outlawed…Jesus, wait a minute—yep, now I’ve got a semi…

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Caroline: Why is he twitching like that? Jesus, does he have to pee? Maybe I have to pee. Maybe this would be a good time to suggest a pee break…Then I can grab Mimi and make sure she knows the reason they’re riding with us is not so they can suck face the whole way, but to run interference for me with Scared of Tatas over there. Okay, just ask him to pull over at the next gas station. Wow, he really does have to pee, I guess. I hope this gas station has Gardetto’s.

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Simon: Thank God she wanted to stop. Now I can adjust without looking like a pervert…oh, who am I kidding? I am a pervert. I’m riding in a car with a woman who was straddling me last night and just the thought of it makes me hard. Pervert, pervert, pervert. I hope this gas station has Gardetto’s.

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Mimi: Ooh! We’re stopping! I hope this gas station has bubble gum!

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Ryan: Oh, man, we’re stopping already? We’re not going to make it back to the city before dark. Mimi wants me to see her place, and I’m really hoping that means walk around naked and let me watch…I hope this gas station has condoms.

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Caroline: Okay, you could have handled that a little better. Mimi suggesting you and Simon split the big bag of Gardetto’s was not that big of a deal. Am I a little sensitive today? Yes, I suppose I am…But I know for a fact that Simon was checking out my ass as I walked away from the car. Why the hell is he checking out my ass now? Last night he didn’t even want to peek under my bikini. Is he really that complicated? Why the hell is he looking at me? He’s reaching his hand out. Stay still, Caroline, stay still…Oh, sesame seed on my chin. Well, if you weren’t looking at my mouth, Mr. Mixed Messages, you wouldn’t even have noticed it. You will never get this sesame seed now, buddy. Damn! Why does this sweater have to smell so good? I hope he hasn’t noticed me sniffing this sweater the whole way.

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Simon: She’s really sniffly today. I hope she isn’t catching a cold. We spent so much time outside this weekend…I would hate for her to come down with something. She just sniffled again. Should I offer her a Kleenex?

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Mimi: Busted, Caroline. I totally knew you were sniffing that sweater.

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Ryan: I wonder if Mimi has any more of that bubble gum? I hope she didn’t notice me buying those condoms. I mean, I don’t want to be presumptuous. But I definitely want to be under her again sometime very, very soon. Who knew someone so tiny could be so loud…and now I’m hard.

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Mimi: Ryan Hall…Mimi Reyes Hall…Mimi Hall…Mimi Reyes-Hall…

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Caroline: Okay, Caroline, time to have that difficult conversation—with yourself. Why exactly did you throw yourself at Simon last night? Was it the wine? Was it the music? The voodoo? Was it the combination of all those things? Okay, okay, no more bullshit. I did it because…because…Fuck, I need some more Gardetto’s.

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Simon: She’s so pretty. I mean, there’s pretty and then there’s pretty…What a pu**y I am. Fuck pretty—she’s beautiful…pussy…And she smells good…pussy…Why do some girls just smell better? Some girls smell like flowery, fruity bullshit. I mean, why would some girls want to smell like a mango? Why should a girl smell like a mango? Maybe if I think the word mango enough I won’t think about pu**y anymore. Caroline…mango…Caroline…pussy…God! And now I’m hard…

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Caroline: He looks like he needs to pee again…He’s drinking too much coffee. He’s had like six cups already from that thermos. That’s funny…He never has a second cup at home. Why the hell do I know how many cups of coffee he drinks? Face it, Caroline, you know so much about him because…because…

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Ryan: Dude, we’re stopping again? We are never gonna make it home. My boy is having some serious issues today…I should probably see if he wants to get a beer or something when we get back—in case he wants to come clean about what really happened last night. Should I offer? Wow, Mimi looks fantastic in those pants…I wonder if she’s buying more bubble gum.

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Mimi: Stop sniffing your sweater, Caroline! Seriously, girl. If I could just get her alone…Okay, Simon seems to be hobbling toward the men’s room. I can get her alone by the beef jerky.

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Caroline: Ugh…I can’t believe Mimi knew I was sniffing the sweater. I wonder if Simon noticed.

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Simon: She seems better…She’s not sniffling any more.

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Mimi: I need to text Sophia. She needs to know the Simon/Caroline situation is not getting any better. What the hell are we gonna do with these two? I mean, seriously…sometimes people just can’t see what’s right in front of them. Aawww…Ryan wants me to scratch his back. I adore him…And damn, are his fingers long…

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Ryan: Mmmm…back…scratch…back…scratch…Mmmm…

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Caroline: Okay, no more avoiding it in your own head, Reynolds. And now I’m serious because I’m using my last name. Now listen up, Reynolds…Heeheehee…I sound like such a badass!

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