“Good game Brooks, great pass.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Adler,” he said with a nod.

She smiled sweetly at him, and he smile back. It was the first time he had ever smiled after a lost. Lucas decided then that he was going to love playing for the Assassins. They were a family, and he could always use one.

Later, Lucas didn’t know why he was thinking of the day he lost Fallon on the bus ride to Columbus, but he was. Maybe it was calling the office that morning, or maybe it was because the Assassins had lost in St Louis. Since he already felt like shit, he figured he might as well think of the worst day of his life.

All Lucas could remember was not only the cold, dead look in Fallon’s beautiful caramel eyes, but the way she was just plain disgusted with him. He still to that day didn’t remember getting into bed with Allison, and he really didn’t remember having sex with her. He was too drunk and high to remember anything from that night.

Lucas shook his head as he thought back to that night.

Lucas just wanted to see Fallon.

It had been a long week, and he needed his Fallon fix. She was like a drug and he was addicted. The week had been hard, he had gotten hurt during a game against the Devils and when the doctor prescribed him Lortabs, he should have known he was in trouble. He started popping the pain pills every chance he got, mixing them with his favorite drink. Lucas soon found that it took him to cloud nine and he loved the feeling.

Fallon had called that afternoon saying she was getting in at seven. When Lucas woke up at six, he rushed to get ready and headed towards Palo Alto to be there when she got there. The choices he made that night were plain stupid. Not only did he drink and drive but he was high from the pills too. He could have gotten killed, or worst, killed someone else.

When he got to the dorm, he opened the door to Allison sitting on her bed in a little tee. She was supposed to be in Houston. What the hell was she doing home?

“Oh, hey Lucas,” she purred as she stood up. Lucas should have known right then to leave. Allison was known as a ho in the locker room, she had been with Levi and a couple of the guys from the team. Lucas knew better, he knew better then to mess with anyone but Fallon. But Lucas was so drunk and so high that when Allison tipped toed over to him in that little bitty t-shirt and wrapped her arms around his neck for a ‘hug’, he couldn’t help but to hold her closer than needed.

When her lips touched his, he didn’t think, he just acted and it was the last thing he remembered.

Now Lucas was paying for it. Even with Fallon saying that she wouldn’t be there the next day when he showed up, he went back, and more than shit she was gone. He would forever hold that look she gave him right before he walked out as the last memory he had of her. He spent weeks trying to find her and then was told she went home. He figured there was no point in chasing after her, she didn’t want him.

So he turned to drugs and alcohol.

“Why do I feel like you’re thinking too hard?” Lucas looked over, seeing that Levi was staring at him, his Kindle in his lap.

“Because I am,” Lucas chuckled as he looked out towards the front of the bus. All the guys sat with their laptops, eReaders, and books, while Lucas just sat there. Sometimes he brought his DS but it was hard to play a game when sometimes he had to read what he needed to do. Lucas hated asking Levi to read his games to him, so mostly Lucas just people watched and looked out the window or slept on bus rides.

“Want to talk about it?”

Lucas shrugged his shoulders. He knew Levi was sick of hearing about Fallon, but he was the only one he could talk about Fallon to. Lucas’ mom still missed Fallon — she had been convinced that Fallon was going to be her daughter one day — and having to tell his mom why Fallon left him was probably the second hardest thing he had to do.

The first being the day he buried his dad.

Lucas slowly shook his head. “I am so f**ked up.”

“Huh?” Levi asked looking over at him.

“I was an alcoholic turned pill popper all because I couldn’t cope with losing my dad or my condition. I then decide that instead of fixing the problem when Fallon left me that I was going to do more, and I almost lost everything.”

Levi nodded his head, shutting off his Kindle as he turned slightly to look at Lucas. “But look at you now, you’ve been sober for four years, you are in a good place in your life…”

“I’m lonely.”

“I’m here and your mom is, and you can have any female you want.”

“I want her.”

Nothing was said as the two men looked each other in the eyes. Levi looked away first, shaking his head and biting down on his lip as he looked everywhere but at Lucas. “Dude, I don’t see it happening. Let it go.”

“I need her, she made me feel normal. I didn’t need the booze when I was with her.”

“You don’t need it now,” Levi pointed out.

“I don’t need it but I want it. With Fallon I didn’t need or want it. I was happy, she made me happy.”

“You haven’t really tried since Fallon, Lucas. No one is ever good enough.”

“Yeah, because when you have had perfection, how do you get past that?” Lucas asked with a grin.

Levi rolled his eyes as he took a deep breath in. “You act like you guys were perfect. You guys weren’t.”

“Who is? No matter what though, we loved each other.”

“I know dude, but I just don’t understand why you’re so caught up on her still,” Levi emphasized. “It's been so long.”