"Oh, Penny, are you lonely?" I heard a voice -- not Todd's -- call out from behind me, along with laughter. I just stared down at the floor, wanting to get to class as quickly as possible.

I continued to hear laughter and my name as I walked down the hall.

You're got to Hide Your Love Away

"How can I even try? I can never win ..."

Chapter twenty four

BEING A T SCHOOL WAS UNBEARABLE after the article came out. the looks, the stares, the sudden focus on the Club. I was overjoyed when Saturday night finally arrived.

Right before I headed downstairs, I checked my e-mail one last time and there was a message from Nate with the subject:

PLEASE READ.

I hesitated before I clicked it open.

Pen,

I really hope you will give me a chance by just reading this, although you probably won't. And you have every reason to be mad at me. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I've been miserable since I came back home. I miss you so much. You mean everything to me and what I did, what I said, all of it was wrong. I'm an idiot. A jerk. A loser.

I'm so sorry, Pen. if there was something I could do to make what I did go away and erase any hurt I've caused you, I would do it. I would do anything for you. I need you in my life and I'm lost without you.

I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss YOU.

When my parents told me about thanksgiving I was so happy at the thought of seeing you. Until I realized that you wouldn't feel the same way. Do you think you can see it in your beautiful, kind heart to at least hear me out at thanksgiving? there is so much I want you to know, so much I want to tell you. You are everything to me, Pen. I want you back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.

Please talk to me.

Love,

Big Dumb idiot

The mouse hovered over the delete button, but I couldn't get myself to delete it.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up. I had to run away from my computer and push his e-mail from my mind.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked when she saw me.

I nodded. "I think it is going to be a big meeting. We should start getting things ready."

Diane and Tracy exchanged worried looks. I pretended not to notice.

A half hour later, the meeting was pure chaos.

I stopped counting the number of people in the basement at forty. this kind of turnout should've made me excited, but I kept wondering who was there because they believed in The Lonely Hearts Club and who was there because we were the "It" thing of the moment at McKinley.

"All right, what re we doing?" Rosanna screamed from the arm of an already-packed couch. the entire room looked my way.

"I have a feeling my nasty side may come out this evening," Tracy whispered to me.

"Just give her a chance" I begged. I couldn't deal with any more drama, especially after that e-mail from Nate. Although I had to admit, Rosanna seemed to not entirely grasp what the Club was about.

"Um, okay everybody!' I raised my voice to get everybody to quiet down. "We've got a packed house this evening."

Rosanna raised her hand. "I've got a question for you."

I tried to not look annoyed. "Um, yes."

"I thought we weren't supposed to date?"

"Um, well, members of the club" -- I made sure she realized that she wasn't an official member yet -- "know that this is much more than just not --"

"Yeah, but aren't you going on a date with Ryan Bauer?" Rosanna said, the smug look on her narrow face coming through loud and clear.

All eyes were on me. The "original crew" -- as Tracy, Diane, and I had been referring to the six of us -- knew all about my outing with Ryan. And nobody seemed to think anything of it. Because there wasn't anything to it.

"Not really. We're going to a concert. Ryan and I have been friends for years, so it isn't a big deal."

"Uh-huh. So you aren't interested in Ryan?"

Diane glared at Rosanna. "Actually, that is none of your business."

"Well," Rosanna got up and flipped her thin, blond-highlighted hair, "you're asking me to give up dating guys, so I want to make sure our leader is staying true to the Club." She wasn't even trying to hide her sarcasm anymore.

"I'm not going on a date with Ryan," I repeated.

Diane got up from the floor. "Okay, all of you new to the Club join me upstairs. There are a few rules we need to go through to make sure people are here" -- Diane looked directly at Rosanna -- "for the right reasons."

Nearly twenty people went upstairs with Diane.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Jen asked. I was a little surprised. She held her hands up. "No, no, not the Club -- I mean about Rosanna and the other girls here for their fifteen minutes of fame."

Oddly enough, I was thinking about the Club.

The school week went by so fast, Thursday was here before I knew it. I hadn't responded to Nate's e-mail, and he hadn't e-mailed again, I hated the fact that he'd said all the right things. I didn't want to deal with it, so I tried not to think about it. That meant not even telling my friends about it. That would make it more real. And I had enough to deal with already -- not only with defending my non-date with Ryan, but also figuring out what a girl should wear on a non-date.

I just kept staring at my closet hoping the answer would present itself. At first I thought vintage Beatles T-shirt and jeans, but realized that would be too corny plus I was pretty sure the entire fifty something-year-old crowd was going to be wearing that. I heard the doorbell ring and quickly grabbed my white fitted tee and navy blue corduroy blazer.