His lips were warm and soft and essential. He smelled like I remembered, like I’d dreamed about. I would have moaned with how good he felt, except he wasn’t responding.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. I kissed Bryan Leech, and he stiffened as though afflicted with lip paralysis.

It took me a foggy four seconds before I realized this as fact, but when the news finally made it to my brain, I immediately pulled away. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” I covered my mouth with my hand, my heart beating a million miles a minute.

What were you thinking? What the hell is wrong with you?

Peripherally, I saw he’d lifted his hand and it hovered in the air as though to—cup my cheek? Push me away? Who knows? I stood and backed away from him.

He also stood, reaching out and taking a step forward. “No, no, no. I’m sorry.”

I moved to the side and out of his reach, putting as much room as I could between us in the corridor, thankful that we were still alone.

“No. I’m sorry. I’m just, not thinking clearly. I’m tired. And stressed.”

“It’s okay.”

“No.” I gritted my teeth and forced myself to look at him. “It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have done that. It was completely inappropriate and unprofessional, and that’s not who I am.”

Bryan appeared to be endeavoring to assemble a reassuring smile, but his eyes were stormy and conflicted. “You’re a really nice girl, Eilish.”

Ugh.

A brush-off. I stiffened, wincing.

“But the thing is, I’m no good to anyone. I’m . . .” he stopped, clearly struggling, then said on a rush, “I’m too old for you. I’m all used up. You,” he hesitated again, then said, “you deserve someone far better than me.”

I closed my eyes, willing my pulse to slow, willing the burning in my chest to quell. This was the worst. Everything before this moment was not the worst, because this was the worst.

The. Worst.

Get out of here. Leave. Now.

Taking a deep breath meant to push back the renewed tide of mortification, I opened my eyes and lifted them to his, but didn’t really allow myself to see him. “It was just temporary stress-induced absurdity. Like I said, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Thankfully, my phone buzzed just as I finished speaking and I whipped it out of my back pocket, not even really looking at the screen.

Bryan took another step forward and I was thankful for the distraction of my phone. “Eilish—”

“I have to go.” Not giving him a chance to finish, I pasted a tight smile on my mouth as I bolted past, speed walking down the hall, through the stairway door, climbing the stairs two at a time.

At least now you know, a voice whispered between my ears, now you know. Even sober, he doesn’t want you.

Chapter Eight

JoseyInHeels: Where are you ECassChoosesPikachu? I need your opinion about these shoes!

ECassChoosesPikachu to JoseyInHeels: I’ve been color coding my calendar.

JoseyInHeels to ECassChoosesPikachu: Put the highlighter down…

*Eilish*

Avoidance was the best policy. In all things. Take now for instance.

My mobile was ringing, and I was ignoring it. The resulting guilt made my nose itch. I ignored that, too.

“You’re not going to get that?” Alice asked from the doorway, lifting her eyebrows and indicating with her forehead toward the phone on the desk. “Your phone? Are you sure you don’t want to pick it up?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s not important.”

This statement also made me feel guilty. I was a walking, talking bag of guilt these days. Since kissing Bryan three weeks ago, I’d been avoiding him like the plague and passing him over to Connors for therapy. Miraculously, I didn’t feel guilty about passing him off because refusing to touch him was simple self-preservation.

But getting back to the wet blanket of guilt. There wasn’t much I could do about the guilt, so I embraced it. Guilt was my constant companion, my home girl.

Finally, the phone stopped vibrating and Alice’s questioning frown moved back to me.

“It’s fine.” I waved away her concern. “What is it you needed?”

She made a face, her eyes narrowing. “Your phone has been buzzing on and off for the last half hour, I can hear it from my desk. Are you sure you don’t need to get that?”

“I’m so sorry. Has it been disturbing you? It’s my mother.” And Josey.

Both my mother and Josey had been calling me non-stop, and I’d been sending them to voicemail all day. I’d had to cancel coffee with Josey last week, and she hadn’t been happy about it.

“Oh.” Alice stepped further into the office I was using. “Is your mother okay?”

“She’s fine. She just wants me to attend a party and I already told her I couldn’t. She’s been calling me non-stop to insist I reconsider.” I gathered the charts I’d scattered on the desk. “Is it the office? Do I need to leave? Do you need the space?”

“Oh, no.” She claimed the other desk chair and gave me a bright smile. “I just wanted to check in on you, see how you’re settling in.”

“Thank you.” My smile grew and gratefulness blossomed in my chest. “That is so kind of you. Thank you. I feel like things are going well.”

Her eyes flickered over the charts on the desk. “My, my. Do you color-code everything?”