I’ve caught Ben and Emme exchanging knowing looks during the set. They know something is wrong. But neither one of them has any idea how wrong it all is.

We end with “Beat It,” since that’s become our signature song. The four of us take a bow and the others start to walk away. But I don’t move.

I see Emme pause for a second as she steps offstage. But I start to tune my guitar and try not to wuss out.

Because I’m about ready to do the biggest audition of my life.

“Thanks, everybody.” The crowd quiets down. “I’m actually going to do one more number, if that’s okay with you.” They scream. I block out the movement coming from the side of the stage.

I strum the first few chords of the song. “This is a song I wrote this past weekend, and the guys haven’t had a chance to hear it yet.” More applause. “As some of you who are familiar with the band know, a lot of my writing comes from the stupid things I’ve done. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve dug my own grave a few times.” There are a few approving screams from the audience. “But sometimes something wonderful comes into your life that forces you to man up. So this song is for that radiant person.”

I refuse to even look at Emme. I already know she’s staring at the floor.

My hands are shaking as I smooth out the piece of paper with the words on it and set it on the floor. It’s a page from the notebook Emme gave me at Christmas.

I start to pick a melody from the guitar and then sing:

There are so many words bottled up inside

They scream out to be released

You’ve cast a spell over me

Been blinded for long, but can now see

You’re the only thing that matters in my life

All that I’ve done is for you

The biggest piece, the biggest part

The one person who controls my heart

If I could kiss away your pain, I would

If I could hold you every night, I would

If I could erase every mistake, every other face

I wouldn’t change a thing

Because all those things led me to this place

And to you

Because I … I could never break your heart

I wouldn’t know where to start

All I know to be true

Is the only breaking will be done by you

If I could make you smile all day, I would

If I could be the person you want, I would

If I could erase every mistake, every other face

I wouldn’t change a thing

Because all those things led me to this place

And to you

Because I … I could never break your heart

I wouldn’t know where to start

All I know to be true

Is the only breaking will be done by you

The last note hangs in the air. I grab the lyrics from the floor and head off the stage. I hear the crowd reacting, but I don’t care. It wasn’t for them. It never has been.

I turn for the first time to see her reaction. Her eyes are wide, her lips are pursed, her face pale. She looks down at the ground as I approach. Ben grabs Jack and they walk away.

“Emme.” I see her shiver slightly.

She starts shaking her head. She’s saying something, but I can’t hear her over the crowd.

I lean in so I’m close to her. “I’m sorry,” she says.

My entire body aches at her apology. “Because you don’t have feelings for me?”

She looks up at me and I can tell she’s mad. “I do have feelings for you, Ethan. That’s the problem. We’re best friends, you’re the closest person in the world to me. Why can’t we just keep things the way they are now?”

“Because I love you.”

“And I love you, too.”

I’ve wanted to hear those words from her for so long. Although I know her love and my love are two very different things. “But just not in that way, right?”

She doesn’t respond. I feel a madness creep over me. I need to get out of here, away from Emme.

I hear a voice call out after me. But it’s not Emme’s voice, so I don’t care.

A hand wraps itself tightly around my arm. “Ethan, are you okay?”

It’s Ben. I yank my arm free.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

I turn my back and walk away from Emme, from the band, from my life.

I always knew that senior year would be full of challenges — the showcase, the school auditions, leaving CPA behind.

But never did I imagine that the hardest part of senior year would be losing two people who mean so much to me.

What’s odd is that I didn’t even really feel the loss of Sophie. I found that I had a lot more time to focus on my music and the band.

But Ethan … watching him slip away has been harder than I could’ve ever imagined.

Sure, he’s still in class, but he keeps to himself. He hardly looks at me anymore. He won’t commit to any more shows. It’s like he’s shut himself off from us.

And it’s all my fault.

When he confessed his feelings for me, I was so torn. Part of me wanted to kiss him and not hesitate to jump into a relationship with him. But another part of me was scared. And that part won.

Then I froze after he sang that song.

I was scared of losing Ethan. But I lost him anyway.

And every time I see him, I’m reminded of what a mistake I’ve made.

It’s been two weeks since our concert. It has been the emptiest two weeks of my life. I’ve tried to talk to him, but it doesn’t work.