“Eh, no, that’s not it.”

“You heartless bastard,” he cried, and Benji smiled as Vaughn’s laughter filled the restaurant. When people started to stare at the large man who was laughing very hard, Benji looked down, his cheeks reddening. Vaughn was a big presence. At almost seven feet, it was easy to say he filled the room. He was just huge and scary and boisterous. He was very loud, and women loved him. Unlike Benji, Vaughn had no problems in the female department. But then, he hadn’t lost a wife.

Just then, Jordie Thomas dropped down into the chair in front of him before picking up his burrito and taking a huge bite. Around the bite, he asked, “What’d I miss?”

Vaughn tilted his head toward Benji. “Benji making a complete ass of himself.”

“Fuck off,” he complained as Jordie laughed.

“Let me guess, a girl talked to him and he froze?”

Vaughn grinned. “No, he accused her of wanting him, and all she wanted to know was where he got his coat.”

Jordie paused, looking over at Benji. He shrugged back. “You told me to be confident.”

Jordie held his gaze, disbelief filling his brown eyes. Unlike when Benji had first met Jordie Thomas, when he was a recovering alcoholic who was twenty shades of fucked up, Jordie now had nothing but pure bliss in his eyes. He had a family, a beautiful wife, and an even more beautiful daughter. He was living the dream, still sober, and Benji was proud. It was hard being a recovering addict—he knew that firsthand—but Jordie kept beating the odds.

Benji totally took credit for it too.

If it weren’t for Benji being Jordie’s roommate on the road when the Assassins traveled to away games, Jordie could have faced temptation. He still did, but he never succumbed. That may be because he didn’t want to let down his wife and daughter too, but hey, Benji liked to believe he was a big part of Jordie’s sobriety.

Which was why Jordie was trying to help him with women.

Because, believe it or not, Benji was pathetic.

“I did, but shit, don’t just assume every girl is coming on to you.”

“She had the eyes!” Benji exclaimed in his defense.

“For the coat, which by the way, that is a snazzy coat,” Vaughn commented, and Benji let out a long, annoyed breath. But yeah, it was a nice coat. A pea coat, to be exact.

“Thanks, but I really thought she wanted me.”

When both of the guys shook their heads, Benji felt like a kid. Where the hell did his game go? He used to be smooth. Used to have all the girls chasing after him in school.

That is until Ava Donaldson moved to the little suburb in south Chicago where Benji had grown up.

She was gorgeous, long, flowing, blond hair and bright blue eyes. One look, that’s all it took, and he was in love. It was that simple. They dated all through middle school, stayed together after she developed a body that had Benji in knots, and stuck it out through senior year. And when it was time for them to graduate, Ava found out she was pregnant. Big shock. His family was worried and so was he, but then he was okay with it. He knew he wanted Ava for the rest of his life; he wanted kids, he loved her, so he married her and they were happy.

But being a young rookie in the big leagues, he soon fell to the lure of drinking when on the road with his boys. It wasn’t a big deal at first, but then it got worse. He had to drink all the time, and no matter how many times Ava tried to leave him, she never followed through. She stood beside him and loved him, even when he didn’t deserve it. She cared for their daughter and for him, and he’d wanted to do right by her, he did.

But he never got the chance.

One bad decision was all it took to take her and his beautiful Leary from him.

Swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, the ache of loss burned in his chest as he sat in the middle of the burrito place. He had hit rock bottom after he lost them, he even lost his spot on the Rangers—but somehow, he found his strength. He cleaned up. But in a way, he knew he would never be happy again. How could he? He lost his loves, his everything. And while it had been twelve years since everything had happened, nothing could ever cure the ache in his heart from the loss of them.

He truly believed he didn’t deserve to be happy and it was his fault they were gone. Yet, a part of him wanted to be happy. He wanted what Jordie had, but he wondered if maybe this was God’s punishment. Sobered up, but never able to have that happiness ever again. He took for granted what he had, fell victim to the temptation, and now he was alone.

It was sort of depressing and really deep to be thinking about at Chipotle with his buddies.

“I think you want to get laid so bad, you’re jumping the gun,” Vaughn said, stealing his attention.

“I’m fine,” Benji threw back at him. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Weirdo,” he accused, shaking his head. “Maybe you should hire an escort or something. Someone to knock your socks off and get your jitters out.”

Giving Vaughn a deadpan look, Benji shook his head. “I’m good. She just reminded me of Ava, and it fucked with my head or something.”

His go-to excuse.

Saying that caused an eerie silence to fall over the table. Benji was honest, told his buddies the truth about his late wife and daughter. It was sad and it sucked, but he owned up to his mistakes.

“You do that a lot, though, bro,” Jordie said slowly, and leave it to him to notice that. “And I get it, but, dude, you gotta stop using them as a crutch. You have to be happy.”