Hooked by Love (Bellevue Bullies #3) Read online

  I roll my eyes as I start my car. “But Matty said he bought ours.”

  “No, he bought Laurence’s and Matty’s, but not yours because he was unsure what your plans were.”

  “Whatever,” I say, annoyed. “I’m good. I won’t come.”

  It’s not like I wanted to anyway.

  “Avery Rose, don’t overreact. I got your plane ticket—I want to see you,” she says softly. “I miss you so.”

  “I miss you,” I say and I do, but I wish I missed her more. I wish I had to talk to her daily, like Jace does. Or even my brothers or my dad, but I don’t. And apparently, they don’t need to talk to me either. What else is new, though?

  “So Dr. Perry wants to see you one last time, get your meds right before you transfer to Dr. Glasscoy permanently. I think we were all hoping you’d have come home by now.”

  Glaring at the car in front of me, I say, “Nope, I love it here.”

  “That’s good,” she says, but I don’t think she means it. “So things are good?”

  “Yeah, they are great.”

  “Good, so you met someone?”

  I pause. How did she know that? “Yeah. His name is Jace.”

  “Yeah, Matty told me about it.”

  I wait for more. The, who is he? Is he cute? Do you like him? But nothing. She says nothing. And why do I want to cry? Fighting back the tears, I say, “Yeah, I haven’t spoken to Matty or anyone in the last couple weeks.”

  “Everyone is so busy, you know that,” she says and that annoys me. She’s always making excuses for them, for herself. Everyone is always so busy, can’t ever make time for me. But yet, they’ve been trying to force me to go to a game where I’ll sit in the corner while they all talk and watch the game. Then we’ll go to dinner where they’ll all talk hockey, and I’ll sit there. The outcast. Lord knows no one asks me how I’m doing or what I want. Ask me how my music is going, nope. Nothing. I’m nothing to these people.

  Fucking awesome.

  “Yeah,” I say, letting out a breath. “So I gotta go. I’m here.”

  “Okay, talk to you later. Love you.”

  “Yeah, love you,” I say before hanging up the phone, but I don’t get out of the car. Looking up at the building that holds my doctor’s office, I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to sit there and talk about nothing because that’s what I will do. I won’t talk about what happened. There is no need to. It’s over, and I haven’t had the urge to hurt myself in months. I’m good. I don’t need this place.

  Biting the inside of my cheek, I look down at my phone, wanting so badly to call Jace. I didn’t tell him I had therapy today, so I don’t know why I want to call him and bitch about going. He wouldn’t understand, and then he’d want to know why. I can’t call my mom because she’ll just force me to go. I have no one to call, no one who would understand.

  Blinking back the tears, I hate the lonesome feeling that starts to engulf me. I hate when this happens. It hasn’t happened in weeks, but soon, I’m bracing my hands against the steering wheel, drawing in deep breaths as my heart pounds in my chest. It’s like everything is hitting me at once. Knowing I have to tell Jace about my past and worrying about his mental state because he is pushing himself way too much. Going to see my family in a couple of weeks and the fact that no one cares to talk to me. They are supposed to be my family. Above all that, I’m sitting in a car, alone, freaking out because I feel abandoned.

  I feel like I can’t control anything. That I can’t make my family love me the way they should, that I can’t make Jace understand my issues without telling him. That I can’t stop thinking about what I did, or Caleb and the pain he caused. I don’t even know why it’s been heavy on my mind, but it has been and I can’t control it. And I sure as hell can’t control what I feel for Jace. Not even kind of. I’m just falling. What happens when I share what happened, and he isn’t there to catch me? No, I have to control it. I have to go slow. I have to. I have to control it.

  I don’t know if I can.

  But I do know what I can control.

  And that’s how far the knife goes into my skin.

  Fuck me.

  Covering my face, I let out a yell of frustration as tears sting my eyes. Didn’t I just say I haven’t had the urge? That I don’t even want to do it? But then my mom calls, and everything just starts to drown me.

  I need to go inside.

  Yeah, I need to go inside.

  Throwing the car door open, I walk inside, pushing back my tears.

  Because I just want to be done with this.

  I want to be strong.

  When I get to Lucy’s design office, I actually feel better. Dr. Glasscoy isn’t Dr. Perry, but today he was good. I think he knew when I walked in that I was on the verge of having a panic attack or that I was two seconds from finding something sharp, and he talked me through it. He suggested upping my meds and plans on calling Dr. Perry to get her opinion. I don’t know, I just wish it would go away, that I can be normal. But apparently, I wasn’t handed that hand, and I have to play with the cards I have.

  I can do this. I know I can.

  I just have to believe in myself.

  And not get overwhelmed.

  Drawing in a breath through my nose, I let it out through my mouth and then push the door open. When Lucy asked me to come by, I was excited to spend time with Angie and even Lucy. But now, I’m nervous. What if she decides she doesn’t like me and tells Jace to break up with me? He’d do it. I know he would because his family is everything to him. I’m just the girlfriend, the one who has a wall up. He may be committed to me, but he doesn’t love me like he loves them. Hell, he probably doesn’t even love me. How could he? I’m no one special.

  “No. Stop,” I say to myself as I slam the door shut. “This isn’t you.”

  It isn’t. Did I forget my meds today? I did since I slept at Jace’s. No wonder I’m so messed up. Looking up at the sign that reads, “Let Lucy Design You,” I wonder if I should just go back home. Maybe it isn’t a good idea to hang with everyone when I’m so fucked in the head. But before I can even try to get away, Angie is barreling out of the building and crashing into me, her little arms hugging me tightly as she grins up at me.

  “You’re here!”

  I put on a smile, the tears still burning my eyes as I look down at her sweet face. She looks just like Lucy, dark hair with bright green eyes and pale skin. She’s a beautiful child, and I do want to spend some time with her. I just really don’t know if I’m in a good place.

  But I can’t let her down.

  Swallowing hard, I say, “I am. Are you ready?”

  “Yup! Come on, Mommy got us all kinds of stuff. So much glitter!”

  “I do love glitter,” I say and she grins.

  “Me too!” She pulls me along. Looking up, I see that Lucy is at the entryway, a smile on her face as she holds the door for us.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I say as we pass through. When the door shuts, she locks it. “You done for today?”

  “I am. I didn’t want to ask you to drive all the way out to the house. Plus, my mom has Jude and Claire there right now visiting, so I figured we could hang here and do the posters.”

  “Cool,” I say as Angie drags me into a conference room that is full of posters and art supplies.

  “You okay?”

  Looking back at Lucy, I nod. “I’m fine.” She eyes me, though, and nervousness eats me alive as I redirect my gaze to Angie. Can she tell I’m fucked up? “Ready?”

  “Yeah!”

  We get to work. Even Lucy helps and I start to feel so much better being with them. Angie is energetic and funny, reminding me so much of Jace that I start to miss him desperately. Unlike how she usually is when Jace is around, Lucy is great. I mean, she is with Jace too, but usually, all her attention is on him, tormenting him. It’s nice just us, but what I love most is that, like her brother, she looks me square in the eye as she talks to me.

  “So where is my b