The BFG Read online

  'Pretty ridiculous,' Sophie said. All the same, she couldn't resist reaching down and pressing her own tummy button to see if it worked. Nothing happened.

  'Dreams is very mystical things,' the BFG said. 'Human beans is not understanding them at all. Not even their brainiest prossefors is understanding them. Has you seen enough?'

  'Just this last one,' Sophie said. 'This one here.'

  She started reading:

  I HAS RITTEN A BOOK AND IT IS SO EXCITING NOBODY CAN PUT IT DOWN. AS SOON AS YOU HAS RED THE FIRST LINE YOU IS SO HOOKED ON IT YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL THE LAST PAGE. IN ALL THE CITIES PEEPLE IS WALKING IN THE STREETS BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEIR FACES IS BURIED IN MY BOOK AND DENTISTS IS READING IT AND TRYING TO FILL TEETHS AT THE SAME TIME BUT NOBODY MINDS BECAUSE THEY IS ALL READING IT TOO IN THE DENTIST'S CHAIR. DRIVERS IS READING IT WHILE DRIVING AND CARS IS CRASHING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. BRAIN SURGEONS IS READING IT WHILE THEY IS OPERATING ON BRAINS AND AIRLINE PILOTS IS READING IT AND GOING TO TIMBUCTOO INSTEAD OF LONDON. FOOTBALL PLAYERS IS READING IT ON THE FIELD BECAUSE THEY CAN'T PUT IT DOWN AND SO IS OLIMPICK RUNNERS WHILE THEY IS RUNNING. EVERYBODY HAS TO SEE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT IN MY BOOK AND WHEN I WAKE UP I IS STILL TINGLING WITH EXCITEMENT AT BEING THE GREATEST RITER THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN UNTIL MY MUMMY COMES IN AND SAYS I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR ENGLISH EXERCISE BOOK LAST NITE AND REALLY YOUR SPELLING IS ATROSHUS SO IS YOUR PUNTULASHON.

  'That's enough for now,' the BFG said. 'There is diluons more but my arm is getting tired holding you up.'

  'What are all those over there?' Sophie said. 'Why have they got such tiny labels?'

  'That,' the BFG said, 'is because one day I is catching so many dreams I is not having the time or energy to write out long labels. But there is enough to remind me.'

  'Can I look?' Sophie said.

  The long-suffering BFG carried her across to the jars she was pointing to. Sophie read them rapidly, one after the other:

  I IS CLIMBING MOUNT EVERAST WITH JUST MY PUSSY-CAT FOR CUMPANY.

  I IS INVENTING A CAR THAT RUNS ON TOOTHPASTE.

  I IS ABLE TO MAKE THE ELEKTRIK LITES GO ON AND OFF JUST BY WISHING IT.

  I IS ONLY AN EIGHT YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY BUT I IS GROWING A SPLENDID BUSHY BEARD AND ALL THE OTHER BOYS IS JALOUS.

  I IS ABEL TO JUMP OUT OF ANY HIGH WINDOW AND FLOTE DOWN SAFELY.

  I HAS A PET BEE THAT MAKES ROCK AND ROLL MUSIK WHEN IT FLIES.

  'What amazes me,' Sophie said, 'is how you ever learned to write in the first place.'

  'Ah,' said the BFG. 'I has been wondering how long it is before you is asking me that.'

  'Considering you never went to school, I think it's quite marvellous,' Sophie said. 'How did you learn?'

  The BFG crossed the cave and opened a tiny secret door in the wall. He took out a book, very old and tattered. By human standards, it was an ordinary sized book, but it looked like a postage stamp in his huge hand.

  'One night,' he said, 'I is blowing a dream through a window and I sees this book lying on the little boy's bedroom table. I wanted it so very badly, you understand. But I is refusing to steal it. I would never do that.'

  'So how did you get it?' Sophie asked.

  'I borrowed it,' the BFG said, smiling a little. 'Just for a short time I borrowed it.'

  'How long have you had it?' Sophie asked.

  'Perhaps only about eighty years,' the BFG said. 'Soon I shall be putting it back.'

  'And that's how you taught yourself to write?' Sophie asked him.

  'I is reading it hundreds of times,' the BFG said. 'And I is still reading it and teaching new words to myself and how to write them. It is the most scrum-diddlyumptious story.'

  Sophie took the book out of his hand. 'Nicholas Nickleby,' she read aloud.

  'By Dahl's Chickens,' the BFG said.

  'By who?' Sophie said.

  Just then, there came a tremendous noise of galloping feet from outside the cave. 'What's that?' Sophie cried.

  'That is all the giants zippfizzing off to another country to guzzle human beans,' the BFG said. He quickly popped Sophie into his waistcoat pocket, then hurried to the cave entrance and rolled back the stone.

  Sophie, peeping out of her spy-hole, saw all nine of the fearsome giants coming past at full gallop.

  'Where is you off to tonight?' shouted the BFG.

  'We is all of us flushbunking off to England tonight,' answered the Fleshlumpeater as they went galloping past. 'England is a luctuous land and we is fancying a few nice little English chiddlers.'

  'I,' shouted the Maidmasher, 'is knowing where there is a gigglehouse for girls and I is guzzling myself full as a frothblower!'

  'And I knows where there is a bogglebox for boys!' shouted the Gizzardgulper. 'All I has to do is reach in and grab myself a handful! English boys is tasting extra lickswishy!'

  In a few seconds, the nine galloping giants were out of sight.

  'What did he mean?' Sophie said, poking her head out of the pocket. 'What is a gigglehouse for girls?'

  'He is meaning a girls' school,' the BFG said. 'He will be eating them by the bundle.'

  'Oh no!' cried Sophie.

  'And boys from a boys' school,' said the BFG.

  'It mustn't happen!' Sophie cried out. 'We've got to stop them! We can't just sit here and do nothing!'

  'There's not a thing we can do,' the BFG said. 'We is helpless as horsefeathers.' He sat down on a large craggy blue rock near the entrance to his cave. He took Sophie from his pocket and put her beside him on the rock. 'It is now quite safe for you to be outside until they is coming back,' he said.

  The sun had dipped below the horizon and it was getting dark.

  The Great Plan

  'We've absolutely got to stop them!' Sophie cried. 'Put me back in your pocket quick and we'll chase after them and warn everyone in England they're coming.'

  'Redunculus and um-possiple,' the BFG said. 'They is going two times as fast as me and they is finishing their guzzle before we is halfway.'

  'But we can't just sit here doing nothing!' Sophie cried. 'How many girls and boys are they going to eat tonight?'

  'Many' the BFG said. 'The Fleshlumpeating Giant alone has a most squadding whoppsy appetite.'

  'Will he snatch them out of their beds while they're sleeping?'

  'Like peas out of a poddle,' the BFG said.

  'I can't bear to think of it!' Sophie cried.

  'Then don't,' the BFG said. 'For years and years I is sitting here on this very rock every night after night when they is galloping away, and I is feeling so sad for all the human beans they is going to gobble up. But I has had to get used to it. There is nothing I can do. If I wasn't a titchy little runty giant only twenty-four feet high then I would be stopping them. But that is absolutely out of the window.'

  'Do you always know where they're going?' Sophie asked.

  'Always,' the BFG said. 'Every night they is yelling at me as they go booding past. The other day they was yelling "We is off to Mrs Sippi and Miss Souri to guzzle them both!"'

  'Disgusting,' Sophie said. 'I hate them.'

  She and the Big Friendly Giant sat quietly side by side on the blue rock in the gathering dusk. Sophie had never felt so helpless in her life. After a while, she stood up and cried out, 'I can't stand it! Just think of those poor girls and boys who are going to be eaten alive in a few hours' time! We can't just sit here and do nothing! We've got to go after those brutes!'

  'No,' the BFG said.

  'We must!' Sophie cried. 'Why won't you go?'

  The BFG sighed and shook his head firmly. 'I has told you five or six times,' he said, 'and the third will be the last. I is never showing myself to human beans.'

  'Why ever not?'

  'If I do, they will be putting me in the zoo with all the jiggyraffes and cattypiddlers.'

  'Nonsense,' Sophie said.

  'And they will be sending you straight back to a norphanage,' the BFG went on. 'Grown-up human beans is not famous for their kindnesses. They