The Collected Short Stories of Roald Dahl Volume 1 Read online

  The gold tooth shone brightly behind a big grin. "For me, I like this, fat," and a pair of podgy hands drew a big circle in the air.

  "And your friend?" said William.

  "For my frient," he answered, "I cannot speak."

  "Pleess," said the friend. "Like this." He grinned and drew a fat girl in the air with his hands.

  Stuffy said, "Why do you like them fat?"

  Golden Tooth thought for a moment, then he said, "You like them slim, eh?"

  "Please," said Stuffy. "I like them slim."

  "Why you like them slim? You tell me."

  Stuffy rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand. "William," he said, "why do we like them slim?"

  "For me," said William, "I am accustomed."

  "So am I," Stuffy said. "But why?"

  William considered. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know why we like them slim."

  "Ha," said Golden Tooth, "You don't know." He leaned over the table towards William and said triumphantly, "And me, I do not know either."

  But that wasn't good enough for William. "The Stag," he said, "says that all rich people in Egypt used to be fat and all poor people were thin."

  "No," said Golden Tooth, "No no no. Look those girls up there. Very fat; very poor. Look queen of Egypt, Queen Farida. Very thin; very rich. Quite wrong."

  "Yes, but what about years ago?" said William.

  "What is this, years ago?"

  William said, "Oh all right. Let's leave it."

  The Egyptians drank their coffee and made noises like the last bit of water running out of the bathtub. When they had finished, they got up to go.

  "Going?" said the Stag.

  "Pleess," said Golden Tooth.

  William said, "Thank you." Stuffy said, "Pleess." The other Egyptian said, "Pleess" and the Stag said, "Thank you." They all shook hands and the Egyptians departed.

  "Ropey types," said William.

  "Very," said Stuffy. "Very ropey types."

  The three of them sat on drinking happily until midnight, when the waiter came up and told them that the place was closing and that there were no more drinks. They were still not really drunk because they had been taking it slowly, but they were feeling healthy.

  "He says we've got to go."

  "All right. Where shall we go? Where shall we go, Stag?"

  "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

  "Let's go to another place like this," said William. "This is a fine place."

  There was a pause. Stuffy was stroking the back of his neck with his hand. "Stag," he said slowly, "I know where I want to go. I want to go to Madame Rosette's and I want to rescue all the girls there."

  "Who's Madame Rosette?" William said.

  "She's a great woman," said the Stag.

  "She's a filthy old Syrian Jewess," said Stuffy.

  "She's a lousy old bitch," said the Stag.

  "All right," said William. "Let's go. But who is she?"

  They told him who she was. They told him about their telephone calls and about Colonel Higgins, and William said, "Come on, let's go. Let's go and rescue all the girls."

  They got up and left. When they went outside, they remembered that they were in a rather remote part of the town.

  "We'll have to walk a bit," said Stag. "No gharries here."

  It was a dark starry night with no moon. The street was narrow and blacked-out. It smelled strongly with the smell of Cairo. It was quiet as they walked along, and now and again they passed a man or sometimes two men standing back in the shadow of a house, leaning against the wall of the house, smoking.

  "I say," said William, "ropey, what?"

  "Very," said Stuffy. "Very bad types."

  They walked on, the three of them walking abreast; square short ginger-haired Stag, tall dark Stuffy, and tall young William who went bareheaded because he had lost his cap. They headed roughly towards the centre of the town where they knew that they would find a gharry to take them on to Rosette.

  Stuffy said, "Oh, won't the girls be pleased when we rescue them?"

  "Jesus," said the Stag, "it ought to be a party."

  "Does she actually keep them locked up?" William said.

  "Well, no," said Stag. "Not exactly. But if we rescue them now, they won't have to work any more tonight anyway. You see, the girls she has at her place are nothing but ordinary shop girls who still work during the day in the shops. They have all of them made some mistake or other which Rosette either engineered or found out about, and now she has put the screws on them; she makes them come along in the evening, But they hate her and they do not depend on her for a living. They would kick her in the teeth if they got the chance."

  Stuffy said, "We'll give them the chance."

  They crossed over a street. William said, "How many girls will there be there, Stag?"

  "I don't know. I suppose there might be thirty."

  "Good God," said William. "This will be a party. Does she really treat them very badly?"

  The Stag said, "Thirty-three squadron told me that she pays them nothing, about twenty akkers a night. She charges the customers a hundred or two hundred akkers each. Every girl earns for Rosette between five hundred and a thousand akkers every night."

  "Good God," said William. "A thousand piastres a night and thirty girls. She must be a millionaire."

  "She is. Someone calculated that not even counting her outside business, she makes the equivalent of about fifteen hundred pounds a week. That's, let me see, that's between five and six thousand pounds a month. Sixty thousand pounds a year."

  Stuffy came out of his dream. "Jesus," he said, "Jesus Christ. The filthy old Syrian Jewess."

  "The lousy old bitch," said William.

  They were coming into a more civilized section of the town, but still there were no gharries.

  The Stag said, "Did you hear about Mary's House?"

  "What's Mary's House?" said William.

  "It's a place in Alexandria. Mary is the Rosette of Alex."

  "Lousy old bitch," said William.

  "No," Stag said. "They say she's a good woman. But anyway, Mary's House was hit by a bomb last week. The navy was in port at the time and the place was full of sailors, nautic types."

  "Killed?"

  "Lots of them killed. And d'you know what happened? They posted them as killed in action."

  "The Admiral is a gentleman," said Stuffy.

  "Magnificent," said William.

  Then they saw a gharry and hailed it.

  Stuffy said, "We don't know the address."

  "He'll know it," said Stag. "Madame Rosette," he said to the driver.

  The driver grinned and nodded. Then William said, "I'm going to drive. Give me the reins, driver, and sit up here beside me and tell me where to go."

  The driver protested vigorously, but when William gave him ten piastres, he gave him the reins. William sat high up on the driver's seat with the driver beside him. The Stag and Stuffy got in the back of the carriage.

  "Take off," said Stuffy. William took off. The horses began to gallop.

  "No good," shrieked the driver. "No good. Stop."

  "Which way Rosette?" shouted William.

  "Stop," shrieked the driver.

  William was happy. "Rosette," he shouted. "Which way?"

  The driver made a decision. He decided that the only way to stop this madman was to get him to his destination. "This way," he shrieked. "Left." William pulled hard on the left rein and the horses swerved around the corner. The gharry took it on one wheel.

  "Too much bank," shouted Stuffy from the back seat.

  "Which way now?" shouted William.

  "Left," shrieked the driver. They took the next street to the left, then they took one to the right, two more to the left, then one to the right again and suddenly the driver yelled, "Here pleess, here Rosette. Stop."

  William pulled hard on the reins and gradually the horses raised their heads with the pulling and slowed down to a trot.

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