The Raider (A Highland Guard Novel) Read online

  “You are wrong. When we are married your allegiance will belong to me—only me.”

  “So what do you intend for me to do, carve your name across my heart? Renounce my country, king, and family? None of it will change the fact that I will always be English and I will always be a Clifford.”

  “Don’t bloody remind me.”

  He had no idea how much his thoughtless comment hurt. How it seemed to epitomize the very futility of a future between them. “I knew how hard it was going to be to make this work, but I thought the challenges would be worth it. Despite what you may think, I am not a romantic fool living in a fantasy world. I knew what I was asking of you. I knew how difficult it would be for you to see past my being English and Robert Clifford’s sister. But did it ever once cross your mind to think about what I was giving up to be with you? Do you think I want to leave my friends, family, the man who has stood by and protected me for my whole life, and the life I had in England to come to live in a hostile, unforgiving land—a country at war—where I know no one? Where I must be locked in a tower for my own protection? Where the moment I open my mouth I’m viewed with hatred and suspicion—even by the man who I’m giving up everything to be with?” She paused, just as surprised by her outburst as he. Realizing she was shouting, she lowered her voice. “What about our children, Robbie? What will you tell them? Will you turn them against their uncle?”

  Obviously, the thought had never occurred to him, and he seemed to be having a difficult time working it out in his own mind. “Our children will be Scot.”

  “And half-English.”

  His jaw clenched as if the sheer force of his will could make it untrue. “I will not discuss this with you now.”

  “If not now, then it will be too late.” She moved toward him, giving him one last chance to make it right. “Please, Robbie, I’m not asking you to trust my brother, I’m asking for you to trust me.”

  He gave her a long look. Some of her words must have gotten though, because for a moment he seemed to be wavering. But then his expression once again shuttered. He shook his head. “I did, and look what happened.”

  Rosalin stared at him in disbelief. “So this is my fault?” Anger rose inside her. Anger and outrage. “I’ve told myself to be patient because I know what you’ve been through. I understand why you might view my countrymen with such loathing and distrust—God knows you have good reason—but I am tired of trying to prove to you that I am worthy of your trust. I have never given you a reason not to trust me, but every time I think I’ve finally gotten through to you, something happens and you assume the worst. Whether it’s me supposedly tricking you to set Roger free, allegedly lying to you about being betrothed, or breaking my word to escape with Sir Henry’s men. Well, I’m not going to do it anymore. Either you trust me or you don’t. My brother did not do this. I’m asking you to wait to hear from him before you seek your vengeance.”

  He turned away, cold and implacable. “You ask for too much.”

  He drove the final nail into her heart. This wasn’t the man she loved. She wondered if that man ever existed. “No, it is you who ask for too much. You expect me to sit by and watch as you destroy my home—my family? I won’t do it.” Too far gone. “Sir Alex tried to warn me that only one thing mattered to you—you tried to warn me yourself—but I didn’t want to listen. I convinced myself that you needed me. I told myself you loved me. That I could make you happy.”

  “You have.” He made it sound almost like a concession.

  She drew a deep breath. “But you will not make me happy. You are not the man for me. When I was sixteen, I fell in love with a noble young warrior who I watched do everything he could to save his friends under the worst conditions. I convinced myself that he was still there. But you were right. He no longer exists. War changed you. You’ve seen too much. You will never go back. You are too blinded by hatred to take the gift that is being offered you, and I’m done trying to make you see. Go. Have your vengeance, Robbie. But know that you are killing any chance of a future between us.”

  “I thought you heard. You aren’t going back, Rosalin. We will be married as soon as I return.”

  “I will not marry you. Not if you go through with this. I will not be a weapon to be used against my brother whenever he does something you do not like.”

  His eyes narrowed. Without seeming to realize it, he took her by the arm and hauled her up against him. “I do not take to threats, Rosalin—or ultimatums. You will marry me, damn it.”

  She looked up at him, seeing the cold fury imprinted on the handsome features. “I thought you did not force women?”

  His icy expression cracked. All at once he seemed to realize what he was doing. He dropped her arm. “You are overwrought,” he said, perhaps trying to convince himself. “Eventually you will understand that I did what I had to do.”

  Just as eventually he would see that she had done what she had to do. She turned her back, not wanting to see him walk away from her. “Goodbye, Robbie.”

  Her heart squeezed as if wringing the last drop of her love to land in a pool at her feet.

  He hesitated. She wanted to think him warring with himself. She wanted to think that he finally understood the truth of what she’d been trying to tell him. But his will—his hatred—was too strong.

  He walked away, and with him, took the last embers of hope. It felt as if he were cutting her apart limb from limb. The pain—the heartbreak—was excruciating. She stood there until the sound of hoofbeats faded away into the distance.

  Perhaps she’d been naive, and it was too much to expect that love could heal wounds as deep as his. Robbie had reasons for his hatred and distrust. But he’d let them consume him to the point that he struck back without questioning, and with a ruthlessness that enabled him not to care who he hurt in the process. Even her.

  Rosalin had had enough. Enough of Scotland. Enough of war. Enough of loving a man who didn’t have the capacity to love her back. It was time for her to let him go. She went to find Sir Alex.

  Twenty-five

  Robbie and a force of nearly fifty warriors, including Douglas and twenty of his best men, crossed into England near Gretna. They skirted the heavily defended fortress of Carlisle to the west, taking cover in the forested countryside, and passed the old Roman wall at Burgh by Sands near the Solway Firth—the place where King Edward I had met his timely end five years before. It had taken them nearly a day of hard riding to get here, and it was still another twenty miles to Brougham.

  A raid so far south of the border would have been a fool’s gambit a few years ago. But the tide had turned, and last year Bruce’s raiding parties had traveled across much this same countryside. Nonetheless, the raid was not without substantial risk. But Robbie had hours to consider every detail and plan for any contingency.

  He was ready.

  Or at least he should be. But every hour that took him from Douglas increased his unease and the growing sense of doom hanging over him. He couldn’t get the sight of Rosalin’s stricken face out of his mind or the sound of her voice out of his head.

  It is wrong…You are not the man for me…Killing any chance of a future between us.

  He’d told himself she’d spoken in anger and desperation to turn him from his path. That she didn’t mean it. But the farther they rode from Douglas, the more he feared she meant every word. It was like a weight pressing down on his chest, making it hard to breathe.

  Damn her for doing this to him. Damn her for making him question his resolve! He could not let such a vicious attack go unanswered. Clifford had to pay.

  An eye for an eye…

  But she’d been so certain, damn it. Robbie ran through the lad’s account over and over in his mind, looking at it from every angle. The boy had identified the soldiers’ arms, Clifford’s men were there—there could be no doubt of that—but other details had been less explicit. The lad had been terrified. It had been chaotic. He’d escaped in the first few minutes. Enough to see what was hap