Always on My Mind Read online

  Which meant that for him, loving her was off the table.

  This left her hanging out here with these emotions all on her own. And it was time to face the facts. There were emotions, lots of them, because she’d gone and broken yet another promise to him. She wasn’t pretending.

  This was real, and she was hurt.

  Chapter 23

  After the arts and crafts fair, when everything had been broken down and hauled off, Jack ended up at the Love Shack with Ben.

  Ben ordered while Jack checked his email and then stared down in shock at the forwarded message from Ronald.

  DNA results had come in, adding a hard fact to the arson case. The DNA from the cigarette butts found near the convenience store and Town Hall fires matched. The same person had stood within watching distance of the fires and…watched? Unfortunately there was no known ID or record, which meant that their arsonist was either new…or smart enough to not have gotten caught.

  Yet.

  Ben came back to the table with a basket of chili fries and two beers, and Jack didn’t even look up. “Must be good porn,” Ben said.

  “It’s work. DNA came back on the cigarette butts found at two of the three questionable fires.”

  “And?”

  “Smoked by the same person.”

  “Son of a bitch.”

  “We’ll nail him.”

  “We?” Ben asked. “You on the arson team now?”

  Jack shrugged. “I’ve been working with Ronald. I like this end of things.” He paused. “A lot.”

  “You going to give up firefighting?” Ben asked. “The job you were pretty much born to do?”

  “Actually,” Jack said. “I think I was born to do this.”

  Ben looked at him for a long beat and nodded. “Then do it.”

  “You’re relieved,” Jack said, surprised.

  “Fuck, yeah. Don’t get me wrong, taking over as deputy fire chief and fire marshal is going to be hell on wheels, and in some ways much harder than the firefighting, but…”

  “But what?” Then he read Ben’s expression and leaned back, shaking his head. “Jesus, not you too. I’m not going to die on the job. Tens of thousands of firefighters are on the job at any given moment and most of them manage to stay very alive.”

  “Your dad didn’t.”

  “I’m not my dad.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Ben asked. “’Cause the apple’s practically still on the tree, man.”

  “Look who’s talking,” Jack said. “Your job takes you to third-world hellholes for months at a time. When you’re gone, the rest of us can only hold our breath until we see or hear from you again.”

  Ben lifted a shoulder. “Guess you’re not the only one influenced by your dad’s hero complex.”

  “Yeah.” Jack nodded. “But I’m making this choice to get off the front line based on my own needs for the future. It has nothing to do with my dad’s influence or memory.”

  “Nothing wrong with that. What does Leah think of your new job?”

  “Haven’t told her yet.”

  Ben stopped with his beer halfway to his mouth. “Why not?”

  When Jack didn’t answer, Ben swore and set down his beer. “Don’t ask me how you can be the smartest guy I know and the most stupid at the same time.”

  “You know we’re not a real thing.”

  Ben gave an impressive eye roll.

  “You thought it was stupid that we pretended,” Jack said.

  “No. I thought it was stupid that you didn’t just go for it.”

  Jack took a long pull of his beer. “You’re going to have to repeat that because I think you just suggested I should be with Leah for real. Leah.”

  “Yeah, you keep saying that. Yeah, it’s Leah, who you’ve had a thing for since…well, ever.”

  Jack shook his head. “What is this? It’s not like you’re exactly a relationship king. You haven’t been in a relationship since Hannah died five years ago. You’re no better at getting yourself into this shit than I am.”

  Ben shrugged. “At least when it came my way, I went for it.”

  Jack stared at him and then laughed. “Let me get this straight. You’re saying if the right woman came your way, you’d take a shot at another relationship?”

  Ben’s attention drifted to the bar. Jack followed his cousin’s gaze to a beautiful blonde sitting there alone, nursing something clear out of a shot glass.

  Aubrey.

  “Well, there’s a bad idea,” Jack said with a shake of his head. “Tangling with her.”

  “Yeah?” Ben asked lazily. “Why’s that?”

  “She’s got claws.” Jack looked at him. “You know this. Remember how she was in school?”

  “I also remember how we were.”

  “We were wild, not mean.”

  Ben didn’t look concerned as he rose, dropped cash on the table, and headed out into the night.

  “Gee,” Jack said, getting to his feet as well. “Guess we’re done here.”

  He left the bar too, but Ben was nowhere in sight. This wasn’t so unusual when it came to his cousin, but it was still irritating. Jack grabbed Kevin from where he’d been happily sleeping in the truck. Kevin’s favorite thing—after eating or taking a shit on the neighbor’s lawn—was going for a walk on the beach.

  After that, inexplicably, they ended up standing in front of the bakery. It was closed, of course. But Jack could see a light on in the back, and with a frown, he walked around to the alley. The back door was ajar, and he stepped close to hear a voice muttering softly.

  Leah.

  She had her back to him as she stood at the cooking island whipping something into a froth. “Okay, cookie dough,” she said, “listen up. Just because I’m giving you to Jack doesn’t mean I’m giving a piece of me to Jack.” She added something from a smaller bowl and went back to whipping. “Because I’m not. I might be a little broken, but no one’s getting any of my pieces. Not even if…” More from yet another bowl. “A piece of me—or two—really wants to be given.”

  Jack wasn’t sure how to acknowledge the emotion that went through him at her words, uttered with good humor but also with a sort of grim truth. He’d known she cared about him deeply. Just as he’d known that she didn’t know how to deal with those feelings. He’d known all of it, and he’d even known why. He’d accepted it. Hell, he was responsible for the rules in the first place. But hearing her talk about her broken pieces killed him. “Leah.”

  With a shriek she whirled around, her whisk held out in front of her like a weapon. “Jack!” she gasped. “You scared me.”

  “Stay,” he said to Kevin, and to make sure he did, Jack tied the leash to the back porch railing before entering the kitchen. “What are you doing here this late?”

  “Making black-and-white cookies.” She paused and then shrugged. “For your mom’s nurses.”

  Again emotion swelled, and he stepped into her, taking the bowl from her hands and setting it aside. “Why?”

  Leah met his gaze. Her heart was still pounding, but not from fright. “That’s what people who care about each other do,” she finally said. “They help each other out.”

  “People?”

  She drew a deep breath and let it out. She wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong between them, but she knew it was her fault. “Friends,” she said.

  Jack expressed polite, doubtful surprise with one quirk of his dark brow.

  “We are friends,” she said, then hesitated. “Aren’t we?”

  “Naked friends.”

  “We’re more than naked friends,” she said and then bit her lip, because why had she said that? Why had she gone there?

  Jack studied her for a long moment, and she knew he could see her nerves. “Talk to me, Leah.”

  “I’m a bit of a mess. No surprise there though, right?” She turned from him, and wiping her hands on her apron, walked to her purse hanging on a hook by the door. From it, she pulled out the stack of cards she’d sent hi