Panic Page 26


“You spend time with me why, Rook? Because I’m your friend? Or because you like this game we’re playing? You say you love Ronin but you argue and rebel against all his good advice, yet you do almost everything I ask whenever I dangle the smallest carrot in front of your face. Why?”

“I just want you to be my friend.”

“That’s not an answer to my question. Answer the question.”

I get flustered for a second and don’t have anything to say. “Why do I like you? Is this what you’re asking? You need me to stroke your ego a bit, Ford?”

He laughs. “Hardly, Rook. I just want the truth from you.”

“I just need a friend. I want you to be my friend.”

“I am your friend.”

“But that back there was not what friends do, Ford. It did confuse me. I already have a boyfriend. We’re in love.”

“Yeah, a boyfriend who’s desperate for me to figure out what the f**k is going on inside that messed-up head of yours because he’s terrified you’ll walk out on him if he asks you himself.”

“What? You ass**les are talking about me? He’s asking you for advice and you make a move on me?” I shake my head and start walking off again, but this time Ford grabs my wrist.

“Stop!” he commands.

I stop.

And then I realize what he just did and attempt to yank myself free. But each time I struggle he pulls me closer until I’m pressed against his chest, fighting off tears. He leans down again and whispers in my ear. “I was wrong about you, Rook.”

I swallow and look up at him, meeting his gaze.

“You’re not inexperienced, are you?”

My heart is ready to jack itself right out of my chest and I try my hardest to break free, but he holds me tight and close.

“You’re not inexperienced, you’re submissive. You just spent the last few years unconditionally following orders, didn’t you?”

“You have no idea—”

He grips my wrist hard enough to cut off my words and make me cry out. “I’m the guy who brought a pet to your birthday party, Rook. Don’t f**king tell me I have no idea.”

I turn off. That’s all I have left, I just turn off. I stop struggling as my eyes glaze over. I concentrate on a point out on the sidelines where a cheerleader is doing tumbling moves. A few of her friends join her and—

“Look at me.”

“Fuck you.”

He lets go of my wrist and I lower my head and count the seconds to see what he’s up to. When I get to ten and he has nothing to say, I jump down the stairs and head for the parking lot.

Chapter Sixteen - ROOK

My face is hot and it takes all my willpower to prevent the tears from coming out with the anger and frustration. Ford is weird. I need to stop this. Ronin was right, he’s got emotional issues. Or lack of emotion issues, I’m not quite sure. Either way, I think I’m done with Ford. I reach the Bronco and yank on the door handle to get in and realize it’s locked.

Of course it’s locked, you idiot. Your eight-thousand-dollar camera is in there.

I lean against the door and watch Ford walk towards me across the parking lot. When he reaches me he says nothing, just pushes his key into the lock and then opens the door.

I climb in as he goes around to his side and does the same.

He sinks back into his seat and I turn my head and watch the various groups of people bustling around the stadium.

“You ran.”

I shake my head. “I’m done here and I’d like for you to start the f**king truck and drop me off at Spencer’s.”

He lets out a sigh. “Too far, then?”

I look over at him now. His face is expressionless, just passive, like this isn’t some monumentally f**ked-up moment in time for me. “So you’re f**king with me? Is that it, Ford? Your job here is to rip apart my brain and do what? Use me up and spit me out like the rest of your pets? Am I a pet to you? Your project? You know what’s f**king funny? You say Ronin’s the one with the hero complex, but from what I can tell, that’s you, Ford. Ronin doesn’t f**k with me like this, he just accepts me for what I am.”

He laughs. “Is that right? Do you have any idea what Ronin does in our little partnership?”

“I do not give one fancy f**k about Ronin’s part in what you guys do together.”

Ford looks away and sighs. “I’m sorry, then, OK?” He looks back over at me and waits a few seconds to see if I’ll respond. But I keep silent. “I didn’t realize it would affect you like that, OK? I’m sorry.”

I continue to stare out the window. “Whatever. You know exactly what you were doing, so save it. Just take me home.”

“Rook, I swear, it was a little harmless flirt, that’s all. I didn’t realize you’d get all…” He stops. “Well, I don’t really understand what happened, actually. Do you like me? Like that?”

Oh, my God. I am so completely f**king humiliated. “Just take me home.”

I catch him scrubbing his hand down his face from the corner of my eye, like I’m frustrating him. “OK, I’ll start then. How’s that? Because I really didn’t mean to have this conversation with you, like ever. But since I’ve unleashed it—maybe unconsciously, maybe not—I’ll just say it.”

Holy f**king shit, he’s gonna go there.

“I want you. I have it pretty bad, in fact. I knew the f**king moment I saw you come into Antoine’s office that day we went out to dinner. I went out of my way to make sure you were sitting next to me. And you, you… you just… there was just something about you that drew me in. I had no idea what it was. At least back then.” He stops and swallows and then looks over at me and stares hard, straight in my eyes. “But I do now. I know what it is that draws us together and I think you do too.”

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