“No, just hold me?” he asked, but he was too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. Slowly, she laid them back, holding him tightly to her and kissing the top of his head. Wrapping his legs and arms around her, he held on, his chest clenching, his heart pounding, and he didn’t understand why this had happened.

Why couldn’t he be stronger?

And what would he have done if Kacey hadn’t been there?

He thought he had come so far, but maybe he was wrong.

Maybe he hadn’t come far at all.

“You’ve been quiet lately.”

Jordie looked up from where he was breaking down boxes, his brows coming together. Karson stood at the counter, unloading a box of silverware, his gaze on him as he lined the silverware up in its drawer.

“What?” he asked, unsure of what Karson meant. They were unloading boxes in Jordie and Kacey’s new kitchen; why would they be talking? She had been psycho about the placement of stuff. He had to make sure he did it all right and to her liking because he really wanted to have sex, and they hadn’t done that in a couple days. With her family and Lacey basically moving in to get everything done before the first game of the season, it was easy to say that their sex life had been lacking. Mostly because they were both dog-tired come the end of the day.

“You’ve been kind of standoffish. I know that I’ve been busy and shit, but you haven’t really been talking to me.”

Jordie shrugged. “Nothing to say, I guess. Just been playing and getting ready for the move. Do you know how hard it is to go shopping with your sister? I swear, she was a gypsy in another life. She likes the weirdest shit,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head, trying had to cover up the fact that he was battling something dark inside of him. Karson had been dealing with a lot the last couple weeks. With Lacey stressed about her store in Chicago, firing her sister-in-law, and apparently causing a war with her family, he had his hands full. Add in the fact that they had a baby who was rolling now and wanted attention all the time, and he was sure that Karson couldn’t deal with Jordie’s issues. It wasn’t fair to him.

Or to Jordie.

He wanted to say that the last two weeks had been fun, the best two weeks, picking out furniture for his new house and getting ready to spend the rest of his life with Kacey, but it had been hell.

He wanted to drink.

All he could hear was his mom’s voice, demanding his attention and not caring one bit about him. Their conversation played over and over in his head, and he didn’t know why she didn’t care. She hadn’t asked anything about him. She degraded Kacey and she was just mean. Only caring about her new fiancé. It hurt him to the bone, and for the last twelve days, he’d had to keep telling himself why he shouldn’t drink. Why it would ruin everything and how Kacey was right when she said that the regret that he would feel would be worse than the pain. He just wanted to forget, though.

And that made him feel weak.

Like he didn’t deserve any of this.

Especially not Kacey.

Looking over at Karson, he flashed him a grin and shrugged. “I’m good, though.”

Karson nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Do you know I see right through you, and the only reason you got away with a lot of shit before was because we weren’t face-to-face?”

Jordie looked away and shrugged again. “I’m fine.”

“You’re full of shit. Tell me what happened. If it’s my sister, I’ll put away the fact that she’s my sister and not want to kill you if you hurt her. But only for like twenty minutes,” he said before shaking out his arms and then striking his hips. “So yeah, hit me, I’m ready.”

Jordie laughed, kicking a box with more force than was necessary. He didn’t want to feel like this, he wanted to be strong, to beat this. But fuck, his mom fucked with his head. When Kacey talked of the darkness that filled him, it was his mother. She always overlooked his problems…or ignored them because they didn’t affect her. Or they did, and she wouldn’t fix them because it would be too much work. He was always a second thought, someone who didn’t matter to her unless she needed something.

He knew this. So why did it hurt?

And why was it so hard to talk about? The last two weeks, he’d only said his cravings were bad, but never why. He blamed it on the stress of the move, and he didn’t understand why he did that. Was he actually covering for his mother? Trying to cover up the fact that she was a shitty person? Why? Why was he doing that?

“My mom called,” is all he said, and Karson’s hands fell from his hips, his shoulders drooping.

“And you answered?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “She wants me to come to dinner with her and her new husband-to-be.”

“You said no,” Karson said, and it wasn’t a question.

“She didn’t let me,” he admitted, chancing a glaze at him, and what he found was what he expected. Pure hatred on Karson’s face.

“Don’t go.”

“She’ll come to my house, or yours, if I don’t,” he protested, but Karson shook his head.

“Let her come; I’ll let Lacey loose.”

“Lacey couldn’t hurt a fly.” Jordie scoffed.

“Fine, I’ll let my mom loose,” he provided and Jordie smiled.

“Now that’s a thought. Even though Kacey wants to Spartan kick her in the face.”

Karson grinned, pointing at Jordie. “That’s a great idea. I favor that one ’cause my mom’s hips are getting bad,” he said and Jordie smiled.