Alec nodded, glancing around at each of the three of us. “Take him down.”

14

“So, I’m meeting Mr. Beck after school today,” Emma announced, a bottle of Coke halfway to her mouth.

“No you’re not,” I said, and Sabine choked on a laugh.

Em set her bottle on the picnic table and glared at me. “Does the phrase, ‘You’re not the boss of me,’ mean anything to you?”

“Nope. Nothing.” But I softened my hard line with a smile.

“Nothing what?” Nash slid onto the bench seat next to me with a tray full of chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes and Em turned to him, like she’d just discovered an ally.

“Mr. Beck’s tutoring me after last period today…” she began, and Nash looked at me over a spoonful of potatoes.

“You really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why are you asking her?” Em demanded, and Sabine just watched, enjoying the show.

“Sorry.” Nash dipped a chicken nugget into a puddle of gravy and glanced at me again with his brows raised. “I wasn’t sure how much…?”

“She knows everything. About Beck…” I qualified, when his brows rose even higher. I’d given Em the basics before first period, hoping to arm her with knowledge. But I still hadn’t decided what to tell her about Thursday. I didn’t want her worrying about me for the next two days, but I didn’t want my death to take her by surprise, either.

“Okay, look, it’s not like you’re swimming in options here,” Em pointed out, as Nash shoved the entire nugget into his mouth. “You guys need me. Sabine can’t get close to him and even if Kaylee’s math grades were bad—and they’re not—she’s not exactly seducible.”

Sabine laughed so hard she nearly inhaled a corn chip.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

The mara cleared her throat, eyes still watering. “She means that you’re a solid, respectable seven on a scale of ten. But Beck’s gonna be looking for an eleven.” Sabine shrugged while I glowered at her. “That, or your ironclad virginity’s a deal-breaker.”

“That’s not what I meant…” Emma started, but I was too furious at the mara to listen to anything else until I’d had my say.

“Shut up!” I snapped at Sabine, and they all three stared at me in surprise, not because Sabine didn’t deserve it, but because I rarely let her have it. “Just shut the hell up until you have something helpful to say. I’m trying to do something really important here before I…” I trailed off with a glance at Emma. “Before anyone else gets hurt. And I’m sick of Sabine taking cheap shots at me. I’m sick of school, and bells, andclasses that don’t matter. I’m sick of waiting for the inevitable.”

My voice was rising, and people from other tables were starting to look, but I couldn’t stop. There were too many things taking up space in my head, and the only way to relieve some of the pressure was to let them spill out of my mouth. And spill they did….

“I’m pissed off about all the things I’ll never see and do, and I’m furious about the fact that I don’t have time for anything I want to do, because I have to spend seven hours a day here, learning things I’m not going to use just in case I get a chance to do what really needs to be done. And even if I manage to actually do that, no one’s ever going to know about it. Which shouldn’t matter. This isn’t about me anyway, right? But the selfish part of me wants to be remembered for doing something good. Something important. But in the end, I’ll just be gone, and the world will go on like I was never here, and I won’t even be around to be pissed off about that.”

Sabine and Emma gaped at me, and on the edge of my vision, my cousin Sophie stood from her table and stomped into the cafeteria, probably mortified by the spectacle I’d made of myself, and of her by extension.

Screw Sophie.

Nash slid one arm around my waist and started to whisper something in my ear, but before he’d said more than my name, someone started clapping. I looked up just as Thane appeared on the bench across from me, next to Emma.

Startled, I yelped and jerked away from the table. Nash tried to catch me, but I fell over the bench and landed on my back on the grass, stunned and out of breath.

Laughter echoed all around me, but I barely heard it. Em and Sabine stood to make sure I was okay. Nash pulled me to my feet and brushed grass from my back, but I couldn’t focus on what he was saying, because when Emma sat, Thane scooted closer to her. So close that if he’d been corporeal, she’d have felt his warmth against her arm.

“Entertaining as always, Kaylee…” Thane said. “If I ask nicely, will you scream for me when it’s time?” Then he disappeared and my hands shook at my sides as the rest of the quad roared back into focus, now that the reminder of my own mortality had gone.

And there, leaning against the brick wall across from my table, stood Tod, scowling furiously at the spot where Thane had just been. He met my gaze and held it for just a second, then blinked out of sight.

“Kaylee, are you okay?” Emma asked, as I sank onto the bench seat again.

“Yeah.” I ran my hands through my hair to tame it, and debated hiding behind it instead. People were still staring. I could feel them.

“What was that all about?” she asked, while Sabine just watched me, without her usual smirk for once.