If I Die Page 26


“You’re still going to talk to Mr. Beck today, right? When do you have him?”

“Sixth period. And yeah, I’m actually looking forward to your cheesy little spy mission.” She glanced around the hall like a bored housewife tired of her own décor. “This place has been dull as shit since we got rid of the hellions.”

“Okay, first of all, ‘we’ didn’t get rid of the hellions.” I zipped my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “You tried to sell me and Em to them.”

Sabine rolled her eyes. “I said I was sorry about that….”

“And second of all, they’re not gone—they’re just stuck in the Netherworld. Which is why you are not supposed to make people cross over in their sleep.”

She actually grinned. “Damn, how long can you hold a grudge?”

“Four days more. Then you’re in the clear. Bonus points if you figure out what Mr. Beck is today. I’m kinda short on time.”

“I’m all set to feel him out.”

“Feel who out?” Nash asked, sliding one arm around me from behind.

“Beck.” Sabine’s grin widened. “Kaylee wants to know what he is, so I’m going undercover. Maybe literally.”

“She’s kidding about that last part,” I insisted, setting my bag on the floor so I could slide closer to Nash.

He huffed. “No she’s not.”

I glanced at Sabine, and the mara shrugged. “I’m gonna play that part by ear. I figured I’d start with a little dyslexia, then move on to a basic incomprehension of functions. It’ll soon become obvious that I need more help than he can provide during class, so he’ll ask me to drop by after school. He’ll explain patiently, I’ll stare adoringly into his eyes and take every possible chance to touch him, letting him know in no uncertain terms that I am—tragically—available.”

Nash exhaled, long and low. Like he was grasping for patience, and it was too slippery to hold. “Sabine, you can’t hit on a teacher.” He sounded frustrated, but not really surprised.

She frowned. “Yes I can. The taboo you’re thinking of is the reverse of that. Which’ll probably also happen, if I do this right.”

“That’s not just a taboo, it’s illegal,” I said. She was already planning to go further than I’d intended.

“For him, not for me,” Sabine insisted, and when neither of us conceded her point, she propped both hands on her hips, where a ring of bare flesh showed above the low waist of her khakis. “Look, if he’s a good guy, he won’t take the bait. If he’s not, regardless of species, he deserves whatever he gets. But you’ll never know for sure unless we give him a chance to actually take the bait. Right? Fortunately for you—” her gaze narrowed onme and her grin grew “—I’m willing to take one for the team. But only because he’s hot. If we were talking about Coach Rundell, you’d have to find yourself another underage carrot to dangle.”

Nash groaned, and I twisted in his grip to find him frowning at me. “I just wanted her to find out what he is, I swear,” I said. “She’s improvising.”

“I know.” He pulled me closer and refocused on the mara. “This is a bad idea, Sabine. What if he’s something dangerous? He obviously doesn’t wanna be outed….”

“I’m something dangerous.” She shrugged. “Besides, if he sticks to math and stays away from my anatomy, he won’t be outed. He’ll never even have to know what I know.”

Nash’s frown deepened, and I recognized the concern swirling slowly in his eyes. He was worried about her. “You have an amazing ability to gloss right over the point.” The mara tugged her backpack strap higher on one shoulder. “It’s a gift.”

“How did Kaylee talk you into this, anyway?”

She lifted one brow at me, like we shared some special secret. “Advance payment for the favor she’ll be doing me on Thursday.”

The blood drained from Nash’s face, and I wanted to melt into the floor. “That’s messed up, even for you, Bina,” he snapped. “This is hard enough for me to handle without the two of you joking about it.”

Sabine frowned, clearly confused by his reaction. “We’re not joking. She dies, I inherit you. We’ve got it all worked out.”

Nash glanced back and forth between us, obviously at a loss for words.

“It’s okay, Nash.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, and it hurt going down. “Look, I don’t want to die, and I don’t want you to wind up with someone else. But I’m not going to ask you to spend your whole life mourning me. I saw what that did to my dad.” It took another deep breath to prepare me for the rest of what I had to say. “Besides, I know I’m the only thing keeping the two of you apart, and I know you’ll eventually wind up together again with me gone. I’m making peace with it. Just promise you won’t go over to the dark side until after the funeral.”

“Kaylee, what the hell is wrong with you?” Nash demanded. “This isn’t funny. This is your life!”

“No, this is my death,” I whispered, well aware that people were glancing at us now, on their way to class. “And I’m dealing with it the only way I know how. I’m providing support for the people I’m leaving behind. I’m crossing things off my very last to-do list. And I’m desperately trying to distract myself from everything else by focusing on other people’s problems.”

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