“Yes, but there are also times, I can very vividly remember you being a huge ass to me too.”

“But there are more good times than bad, you know that,” he whispered.

Levi was right, there were more good times and they were great, but the bad times were worse. Opening her eyes, she sat up, removing her foot from his grasp. She couldn’t think straight when he was doing that. Looking him in his deep brown eyes, she shook her head.

“You hurt me, Levi, countless times.”

Levi moved up on his knees, leaning over to cup her face softly. He skimmed his thumb along her bottom lip, while still holding her gaze with his. “I want our good times.”

The next thing she knew, their mouths were connected and his hands were in her hair, pulling her closer. His lips were thin, but efficient. As his tongue sweep inside her mouth, she felt her heart stop. She had missed his lips and his kisses so much. She found herself drowning in them when she knew she shouldn’t. But it seemed that no matter how far away she was from him, she could always feel him near. She wanted nothing more than to drown in his love, and be his forever, but she knew this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. He was just ready to get laid again.

“No you don’t,” she said moving away, “you want to have sex with me, that’s all.”

“Well yeah, but, Audrey, that’s not all. I miss your laugh, and I’ve never missed someone’s laugh before.”

Audrey shook her head, “Levi, I want more, and you know that.”

He rolled his eyes, “I can’t give you the husband, kids, and white picket fence, but I can give you a good time and maybe in the future, I’ll change my mind, but damn it, Audrey, I’ve missed you. You’re my number one girl.”

“Out of how many,” she said in disgust, moving away more. There needed to be distance between them. She was doing a good job withstanding him, she couldn’t stop. Not now.

“Don’t be like that, Cupcake,” he said pulling her close to him. She didn’t know how he did it again, but she found herself in his arms, looking deep into his eyes. “Let’s start over. Let’s not jump into a domestic relationship where you cook, clean, and take care of me. Lets just try to be friends, that, you know, fool around.”

“So you want me to be a convenience f**k? I’m not her,” Audrey said referring to Janet.

Levi laughed, “Jeez, Audrey, no. I want you to be my friend with benefits.”

Audrey let out a soulless laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t want to be friends with benefits with you, Levi, I want a relationship, I want to get married. We’ve been doing this dance for eight months; don’t you think it’s time?”

“No, and I won’t tomorrow or the next day either,” he said standing up. He ran his hands over his buzzed hair, looking up at the sky. “I don’t understand why you are keeping yourself from me? I know you want me. I want you, so let’s do this. Why keep us apart?”

“Because you don’t want all of me! You just want my cooter!”

Levi shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips, “Yes, I want it, Cupcake, but I want to spend time with you too. Give me another chance.”

They stayed looking deep in each other eyes as the room stayed eerily quiet. It seemed so easy to take his bait, to be his puppet for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t have to worry about the rejection from another man; she wouldn’t have to worry about finding someone who wouldn’t want kids because Levi didn’t want them at all. Levi was her out, her easy cowardly out.

But like everyone had said, she was better than that.

Standing up, Audrey shook her head before saying, “I love you, Levi Moss-”

“Now, Audrey, I’ve told you about that word-”

“No! You shut up and let me finish!”

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms across his chest. “I love you, I do, but I am not going to settle for crap and want more when you want nothing but sex from me. I am a good woman. I would take good care of you, and I deserve more than this. When you are ready to give me that, when you are ready to love me, and give us a chance, then call me. I’ll come, ‘cause I love you, but not until you tell me you’re ready to give us a real fighting chance.”

Audrey couldn’t breathe. It felt like her heart was in her throat and her heart was pounding against her chest. Levi shook his head, his hands resting on his head before looking up at the ceiling. When he looked back down, his eyes a soft brown color, Audrey thought she had won.

But then he said, “I don’t want you like that.”

Feeling beaten, Audrey’s shoulders slumped and she looked down at the desk. Willing the tears to stay at bay and begging herself to stay strong and confident, Audrey looked up and said, “Then get out of my office.”

Chapter 11

“I’m totally messed up.”

Audrey moved around her kitchen, her phone to her ear while popcorn popped and she nursed a 40oz beer. It had been a 40oz beer kind of day. But even with her feeling like her heart was about to break, she was proud of herself for not crying. It was the first time in weeks that she hadn’t cried over Levi. Maybe telling him what was on her mind was closure or something. She had always been so agreeable, let him run things. But for once, she stood up to him, and it felt fantastic! Yes, her heart was broken because of his rejection, yet in her heart she really felt that he was coming around.