And such a thing could never happen, not while she worked on his support team, and definitely not while she was married to another man. He would never, ever attempt to seduce her away from her husband, to tempt her into betraying her marriage vows, and he sure as hell wouldn’t consent to being the other man or to having a forbidden, secret affair with her. Tessa was too fine, too decent to even consider such a thing, while he was too much of a stuffy British gentleman to ever be so ill-bred.

Best to keep her at a distance, he assured himself, and to let her and the others think that she wasn’t experienced or qualified enough to take over Andrew’s duties temporarily. He would rather she thought him a cold, distant bastard like most everyone else did than to ever suspect the truth – that he’d recently begun to fear his obsession with her was becoming worse with each passing day. And that what had begun as a mere infatuation had now turned into a deep, unbreakable love.

Chapter Fourteen

December

“Oh, Peter! Isn’t all of this lovely? It’s like a palace in here or something.”

Peter smiled indulgently at his wide-eyed wife, pleased to see how happy Tessa was this evening, and telling himself that it had been worth letting her cajole him into attending this holiday party with her tonight simply to see the joy on her lovely face. “It’s pretty fancy, that’s for sure. Good thing you talked me into wearing a tie. I would have really felt out of place otherwise.”

He resisted the urge to tug at the unfamiliar feel of the tie around his neck. It had taken him several attempts to get the thing knotted correctly, this being maybe the fourth time in his entire life he’d had to wear one. The dark suit he wore was technically a mismatched pair of trousers and a jacket that was at least close to the same shade, and he wished now that he’d let Tessa have it pressed for him.

But it wouldn’t have mattered, he thought resignedly, because he would have still stuck out like a sore thumb among all of these well-dressed, perfectly groomed men. No one else, he noticed grimly, wore their hair long enough to pull back into a ponytail like he did, and none of them seemed to have a pierced ear like his. He felt ill at ease in the unfamiliar clothes, and even more so amidst all of this glitz and elegance. He longed to be back in their tiny apartment, watching a movie and eating pizza, wearing a pair of well-worn jeans or sweats. He certainly didn’t belong in these sort of high class surroundings, and tried with all his might not to feel claustrophobic as he often did with so many people in one room.

Tessa, on the other hand, was positively glowing with happiness, and he decided that any discomfort he might endure tonight would be worth it just to see her this way. He’d been worried sick about her these past couple of weeks during his last minute trip to Taiwan. He was supposed to have had a three week break after returning from Thailand just before Thanksgiving, but had been obliged to fly out again just two days after the holiday for a breaking story. Tessa had been upset at being left alone again so soon, and had seemed deeply depressed each time she’d replied to one of his emails.

So he hadn’t had the heart to refuse when she had pleaded with him to attend her company’s holiday party, even when he’d realized the dress code was far more formal than he was used to. Many of the men present this evening were wearing tuxedos, making Peter feel like even more of an uncouth bumpkin than he already did.

He knew that Tessa’s own dress and shoes hadn’t been expensive – terrified as she was of overextending their lean budget and always reluctant to treat herself to anything. But Peter had realized from the first time he’d met Tessa that she had the sort of figure that would always look amazing in anything she wore. At sixteen she’d already been a knockout; now, at twenty-two, she was gorgeous, and it didn’t surprise him in the least to notice how many men were staring at her. It was something he’d grown used to over the years, along with all of the curious and disbelieving looks he had received when they had been out together.

They made quite the odd couple, he and Tess, even though she hotly denied it. But Peter was neither blind nor naïve, and he knew quite well that everywhere they went people must scratch their heads in bewilderment at what a stunning girl like Tessa saw in a pale, skinny, and hopelessly awkward guy like him. She could have any man she wanted in this room tonight – single or otherwise – and yet here she was sticking to his side like glue, her arm looped through his as though they were crazy in love.

Peter knew that he was really the crazy one – crazy for not being able to fully appreciate and savor his beautiful wife. A guy like him would never, ever be able to land a girl like her under normal circumstances, and he was well aware of how lucky he was. Unfortunately, he was such a head case that the likelihood of ever having what passed for a normal sexual relationship with Tess – or anyone, for that matter – was about as farfetched as winning a billion dollar lottery. Even now, he had to grit his teeth just a little as she continued to clutch his arm against her, and he had to ease himself away a bit so their bodies didn’t touch.

It had been longer than he cared to think about since they had tried having sex – tried being the operative word. He could probably count the number of times on one hand that he’d actually lasted long enough to ejaculate inside of her, and not all that many others when he had even been able to manage an erection. But he was a fucked up, dysfunctional mess, after all, and it was a small miracle that he’d been able to handle even that much physical contact.

Tessa had urged him to talk to someone, to get professional help. She had excellent health insurance working for the Gregson Group, but even with that the plan only paid around thirty percent for mental health services. As good-hearted as Tess was – always the little mother, as he liked to tease her – she had offered to take on a weekend job in order to pay for counseling sessions for him. He’d flat-out refused to let her make such a sacrifice, especially when he wasn’t at all sure he could actually talk to someone about the years of abuse he had suffered at the hands of that sick bastard uncle of his. Whenever he even thought about vocalizing what had happened, he was filled with a cold, clammy sense of dread, and usually always had a nightmare as a result.

But he wasn’t going to think about any of that crap tonight, he told himself firmly. Tonight was all about Tess, and making sure she had a good time. She did without so many little pleasures, sacrificed so much for him, that suffering through this party was the least he could do for her.