Covet Page 2


She received a generous employee discount at the two different clothing chains she worked at – Old Navy after school five days a week, and Forever 21 on the weekends – and had been able to supplement her old jeans and worn T-shirts with a few new pieces over time. The steaming hot weather here in the Arizona desert had finally begun to cool off with the arrival of autumn, and she didn’t have to stick to the lightweight cotton skirts and sundresses that she practically lived in during the summer. This morning she put on a newer pair of medium wash jeans, and a blue and white striped T-shirt before shoving her feet into dark blue flip flops. Her makeup consisted of a coat of drugstore brand mascara and a swipe of bubble gum flavored lip gloss.

Tessa sighed when she walked back into the main room of the apartment – the one that served as living, dining, and sleeping space – as she noticed that Gillian had curled back up into an almost fetal position on the narrow daybed. Tessa knew that her mother would spend the vast majority of the day in that very same position, rousing herself only when she needed to use the bathroom or perhaps get a drink of water. It was doubtful that she’d eat any of the lunch Tessa had prepared for her – a tuna fish sandwich and some cut-up fruit. She hadn’t eaten yesterday’s lunch, or Monday’s, and Tessa had ended up having the untouched meals for her own dinner. Food was far too precious and expensive a commodity to ever waste, even if Tessa had long ago begun to despise tuna fish – along with cold cereal, ramen noodles, and canned soup. But they were unfortunately among the most affordable items in the grocery store, and she had learned a long time ago how to stretch a dollar to its limits.

She was fortunate enough to qualify for reduced price breakfasts and lunches at school, paying around a dollar a day for both meals, so she only popped two slices of bread into the toaster this morning, even though the likelihood of Gillian actually eating anything was slim to none. Tessa poured a small glass of orange juice while the bread toasted, and then buttered the slices once they were done. Plate and glass in hand, she walked over to the daybed and set them down before once again giving her mother a gentle shake.

Gillian gave another groan, shaking her head in protest, but Tessa was persistent.

“Come on, Mom. You’ve got to eat something. It’s been almost an entire day since you had anything, and you’re wasting away to nothing.”

“Not hungry,” mumbled Gillian, burrowing her face into the pillow.

“Please eat something anyway,” begged Tessa. “Please? For me?”

Gillian heaved a tired sigh and dragged herself to a sitting position. Tessa’s heart sunk a little deeper when she realized just how gaunt and haggard her once beautiful mother looked now. Gillian had always been a vibrant, stunning woman, her flawless complexion glowing with health and vitality, the big blue eyes so like Tessa’s shining with liveliness, her thick, blonde curls tumbling in careless abandon down her back. Even as a little girl Tessa had noticed how everyone stared at her beautiful mother – especially the men – and she had always felt a little thrill when people would comment on how much mother and daughter looked like each other.

But now Gillian was pale and washed out, her cheekbones so sharply defined they looked like knife blades. Her blue eyes were dull and lifeless, and it had been so long since her pale, bloodless lips had curved upward into a smile that Tessa feared she’d forgotten how to do so. Her hair was lank and greasy, falling in tangles that she seldom consented to letting Tessa comb out for her. Tessa forced herself not to wrinkle her nose at the unpleasant odor of Gillian’s unwashed body and the clothes she’d been wearing round the clock for the past two days. It was always a huge undertaking to force Gillian into the shower these days, and it took a combination of pleading, bullying, and strong arm tactics to get her to do so.

It didn’t help that Gillian was always complaining of feeling cold, and could usually be found huddled under a couple of blankets and a quilt – this despite the fact that they lived in Tucson, one of the hottest cities in the country, where average temperatures in the summer were in the triple digits. Tessa would often come home from school or work to find the air conditioner – the one that barely functioned half the time anyway – shut off, and the third floor apartment stifling hot, with her mother still claiming to feel cold despite the way her skin felt clammy and hot. Gillian’s perpetual chill was yet another disturbing sign that her body was gradually beginning to shut down, just like her mind had been doing for the past few years.

Tessa fed her mother bites of toast and urged her to take sips of the orange juice, coaxing until she’d eaten most of one piece of bread and nearly all of the juice.

“Another bite? Please, Mom? Just finish this, okay?” pleaded Tessa.

But Gillian couldn’t be persuaded and stubbornly turned her back to her daughter. “No more,” she croaked. “I’m tired, Tess. Let me sleep now.”

Tessa sighed but set the dishes aside. “Mom, you’ve been sleeping almost nonstop for days now. You need to snap out of this soon. Otherwise, I’m going to drag you to the clinic so they can give you something. This episode has been going on for too long and you know it.”

Gillian shook her head. “No clinic. No pills. You know how much I hate that stuff. They make me feel like a zombie, Tess.”

It was on the tip of Tessa’s tongue to remind her mother that she already acted like a zombie, pills or no pills. But it was nearly time to leave for school, and she desperately needed extra time this morning to get in some last minute studying for her math quiz. She’d studied like mad for this one, knowing that she had to get a better grade than the last disastrous test. Otherwise, she feared she’d have to meet with the teacher or, worse, a guidance counselor, and the last thing she needed was for anyone to start prying into her personal life.

“You need to do something, Mom,” she chided gently. “The down time has never lasted this long before and I’m worried about you. I need you to get better, Mom, okay? Please? For me?”

“No pills. No doctors. They’ll make me check into some clinic, and God knows what will happen to you, Tessa. You’ll get forced into foster care and they’ll take you away from me forever.”

Gillian began to weep after that, silent sobs that shook her emaciated frame, and Tessa knew better than to keep pushing when she got into this state. Instead, she merely smoothed her mother’s greasy, tangled hair from her face and pressed a kiss to her cold cheek.

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